5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
We need to get me chipped asap
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
