Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
