And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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