I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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