No, drunk sperm still make babies.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
