She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
