Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
