is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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