I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Randomize
