i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
