we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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