I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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