ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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