so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
