I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
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So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
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I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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