don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
