I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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