im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize