I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
