I want to walk on stilts...naked
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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