is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
