Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
soo... how was my night?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
