How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
