She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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