69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
