we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
