you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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