don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
