four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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