There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
