Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
