I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
