when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
only if we run a train.
done.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
