I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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