Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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