omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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