the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
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