If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
