all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
