I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
