Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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