ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
