I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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