You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
