it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
