I think i sorta joined a cult last night
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
