She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Randomize
