Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
