Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
soo... how was my night?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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