My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Randomize
