well I can't set my house on fire every night
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Everything about him screamed your future.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Randomize
