New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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