I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
In America we eat man semen.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
