Why are handjobs necessary in class?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
