found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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