I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
