Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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