she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
