how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I am spending my child support on dildos
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
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