Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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