I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
