Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Four minutes until I can fart!
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
