I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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