either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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