every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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