You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
