i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
