Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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