how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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