I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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