tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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